Thursday, August 23, 2012

His Ghost

Holy Shit. Nail on the fuckin head. "You Don't Miss Him. You Miss The Idea of Who You Wanted Him To Be"

I just read this article and it echos what I think. I talked to my therapist last night about how hard it seems for me to replace Dr X. She suggested that I need to replace him with somoene new, that I'm at the point where I should start dating, or at least casually looking around to. But I. am. terrified.

Terrifed of two things: One is that I will get hurt again. Hurt badly. It took me so long / still is taking me forever to get over Dr. X. Its so hard to be confident in myself and take a risk. The second thing is: I'm terrifed that no one will match up to Dr X in my head. No one will look as attractive as he did (his hair, his smile, his build) nor have a personality that makes me swoon (made me feel like I was the only person in the world, made me laugh, etc).

Now the first thing, will just take time. I have to get over my fear eventually. I have to take BABY steps. I want to meet new people, new guys, but I am terrifed of dating anyone.I don't want things to be serious right away, but I over think things and tend to be a serious person. How do I date someone without going crazy or overthinknig something!? I don't want to hurt that person by not being serious... I am equally afraid of hurting someone else like Dr. X hurt me.

The second thing, well.... like Yashir's article said: He's a ghost.

Early on in your relationship or friendship, this guy somehow did things that you’ve always wanted a man you’re in a relationship to do and somehow said all the right things and that is what you end up being biased towards. He also seemingly managed to avoid doing things that men in your past did to hurt you emotionally or made you feel uncomfortable. And as soon as you witnessed this “good” behavior, you latched on to it. Box checked; this guy might be the one. You ignore all the bad stuff and hang on to the romantic fantasy of him feeding you nice lines.

I have to remind myself of the hurt. Of why yes, he had positive qualities, but he also had a lot of negative ones. He was passionate about his work (yay! And its NOT a job involving business or finance and he makes a difference in other peoples lives) yet he chose his work over me time and time again (moving to Nova Scotia; forgetting to call me; stressing out). He seemed dependable (I could call him when I was upset) yet he cheated on his first girlfriend with me...  He was hilarious yet his laugh was kinda annoying at points. All these things, I tend to focus on the good things as opposed to the bad...

I'm not there yet. It's taking baby steps, slower than I would have hoped... But at least I'm acknowledging I do this, now.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Hyper Smash