Monday, February 27, 2012

A Spoon Full of Sugar...

After two months of realizing that I wasn't feeling any better and after going back to therapy, I decided to go on medication. The big scary world of anti-depressants.

The medicines:
- Cipralex, daily, 10mg (daily) - anti-depressants
- Vitamin D & a multi-vitamin (daily) - for general health
- Xanax, .25 mg (as needed) - for anxiety
- Lorazepam, 5 mg (as needed) - for anxiety
- Ziploclone, 7.5 mg (as needed) - for insomnia

In addition to medication, i am doing talk therapy. When I went to therapy last year to deal with the Dr. X stuff, I worked a lot on CBT and with the book Mind over Mood (VERY recommended for those with anxiety related issues). This time around, it is more "talk" wise... getting everything off my chest, crying a bit, generally just telling somoene how I'm doing. I don't know if its as helpful as it was last year... but its better than nothing.

The results (so far):

I have taken Xanax for about 2 years and Lorazepam for 10 for my anxiety. I take them on a as-needs basis... which has obviously risen in the past three months than when I am normally experiencing episodes of anxiety. I started on Lorazapam because i used to just have trouble with sleeping in unfamiliar places. I don't use it that much anymore. Xanax is for when I have panic attacks and they help me calm down and (if I am focused and remember to: work on a CBT sheet).

I have been on Cipralex for about a month and I don't know if they are working or not. They say it takes 4 -6 weeks before feeling the full effect. I am becoming a bit more motivated (I swam laps last Wednesday for the first time in three months) but I'm still not "better". I have been told that they are like a brace or cast... they don't MAKE you better, but they allow the healing to begin. I hope my healing is beginning. I don't cry as much at least. My doctor when I went back after two weeks said that I was a lot less "weepy".

So that's where I am medically wise... Hopefully through the medicines, therapy, and venting on this blog, I'll eventually get back to who I was before I fell apart at the seams.


  1. Hello Susan

    I followed the link you posted over at DF (I'm LonelyHiker there).

    I can certainly relate to what you're going through t the moment, as I am separated from my wife of seven years (together for ten). All you can do is take it a day a at a time, sometimes an hour at a time! Take comfort in knowing you're not the only one dealing with the pain of a broken heart.

    You write beautifully, btw. And remember, as cliched as it sounds, time really does heal all wounds.

    Take care, and be kind to yourself.



  2. Thank you so much Tim. I really do appreciate your comments. (especially about my writing - thank you!!!!).

    I really do take comfort in knowing there are others out there that are struggling like me. It makes it feel a little less lonely.

    All the best,

    - Susan


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