Friday, February 3, 2012

To ski or not to ski....

I won a contest in December for a weekend away at a ski resort, new skis and tons of ski swag. You think I would be excited about this wouldn't you? Instead, when I heard I won, I was hysterically sad. I had initially entered this contest so Dr. X and I could have a weekend away. He is an avid skier and even competed provincially in high school. I won all these Ski DVDs and he was the only person I knew who would get excited to watch those. So to hear that I had won a ski contest a mere week or so after Dr. X had broken up with me... devastating.

However, after many people pointed out that it was a good thing to win this contest and that I shouldn't let him have so much control over my happiness: I gave the ski dvds and swag to a cousin of mine and booked a weekend at the ski resort there with one of my girlfriends.

That weekend starts in three hours.

And all I can think of is how I wanted him to teach me how to ski. How it would have been so romantic to go skiing all day and cuddle by a fire at night. How I miss him and the idea of us, together. It would have been perfect. I am trying to get my excitement level up but I don't know how. I have been pretty good at keeping him out of my head, but how will I do that all weekend?

Well, I guess it can't be too horrible to go. I can't get too down until I'm there experiencing it. That's my anxiety talking. It's my anxiety and depression that are making me nervous about this trip. I just have to try and fake a smile when everything around me screams "hide in your bed til the spring".

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